Pecking Order

This spring I am going to get chickens. Only four though. So I have been researching different coops, different breeds of chickens and how to take care of them. As I was researching I found an article about chickens pecking each other to death…wait, WHAT? They peck each other to death? First, that’s gross and second, why? Well, they will peck at each other for a number of reasons. Because they are bored, they are too crowded or because of the pecking order (maybe that is where that phrase comes from). So now I am seeing the Hitchcock movie “The Birds” playing in my head when I go into the chicken pen to feed them. Surely I am going to get pecked to death because they are bored…

Why did I just terrify you with this story? Because God showed me how us as women can do this to each other. Ouch! Yup I just said that. It kind of feels like getting slapped in the face doesn't it? That’s how I felt when God showed me that.  Here is a glimpse into the ugly that used to be in my heart. I used to have a friend that I was very close to. She had an amazing gift to literally see Jesus and she was a good friend. She also had a really dark past. Drug use, she was abused and hurt badly by those who she thought she could trust. Then, she met Jesus and her life changed. Things were going really good. We had a really great group of friends, then slowly her past crept back in and she spiraled back into her old habits. We tried to show her that her decisions we leading her down a dark path but she couldn’t see it that way so things became very hard for us to maintain a friendship with her. But instead of extending grace and mercy, I saw her weakness and I began to peck her to death. I pecked at her by gossiping about her. Pecking at her by taking to Facebook (I know real mature right?) and making snide comments about her, publicly proclaiming that I am better than her. That I am “higher” in the pecking order than she was. I pecked at her by secretly hoping things would go worse for her. That her kids would be taken from her because of her decisions. Hey, I told you I was going to show you the ugly in my heart pretty ugly isn’t it? But if we are all honest with ourselves we have thought these things about other people and sometimes worse things. It’s so easy for us to get together with a group of other girls and shine a spotlight on another persons’ weakness and talk about them. And what we get really good at is trying to mask it under us “brainstorming” on how to “help” them. Or “catching” each other up on how they are doing. Knowing darn well we have ZERO intention of helping anyone. We just want to break them down to make ourselves look holy and better off than they are.  

You know what she needed? She needed people to be there with open arms when she came back home. Instead she got a cold shoulder and no one there to speak life and hope back into her. Not only does that now break my heart that breaks the heart of God. I am so glad that I have grown enough to know that I am no better than anyone else. That I am ONE bad decision away from spiraling out of control. I now know that my place as a daughter of God is to bring the lost home and to ALWAYS extend grace and mercy, even when I don’t understand decisions that are being made. Do I need to agree with them? No. Do I need to point my finger in their face and tell them that they are wrong, unholy, unworthy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! What I have are words of life. Of hope. Of love. Of grace. Of mercy. I have been given weapons from God, not to use on another person but to defend and protect those who are too weak to protect and defend themselves. They are not just defensive weapons but they are OFFENSIVE weapons. I will now go spider monkey crazy on the devil when he tries to take out one of my friends or another child of God. I will no longer allow myself to be so bored that I will turn my boredom on another person and peck them to death to make myself feel productive. What I have learned was that I was so insecure about who I was that I felt like I had to kick another person when they were down to make myself look dominant. I have learned that I must become less so that Christ can become more in me. And that includes humbling myself and admitting when I was nothing but a Pharisee setting up walls to keep those who needed mercy, out. I was used as a tool of the enemy to cause division and to intentionally hurt another person. Never again. We don’t have to do this to each other anymore. We are bigger than this and we possess too much authority to give it away to the enemy.

This year reflect where you may have pecked someone to death. And recognize this is not the intent God has for us. We were not created to cause division. This year use your voice to DEFEND and PROTECT those who have gone astray. Pray for them. Speak life into them. Our words carry so much weight. We can either use them for life or for death. This year, choose to use them to build up and not tear down.   

Tis the season...

So, we are in December? When did that happen? (I know it happened 16 days ago...so don't try to be funny...lol). That means we are at that time of our year when we reflect on the past year and start to set goals and plan for the next year. Well, some people do...and for one of the first times, EVER, I feel like I need to actually have some goals for this next year. I don't know if it's because I am almost 32 and feel like I need to act like an adult or what it is. I am a Christian, so these goals are set by God through prayer because if it were up to me my goals would be: eat as much chocolate as possible in one sitting, try all different coffee flavors in the world, watch the entire Gilmore Girls show in one week, try speaking in an accent for the entire year. But unfortunately those are not my goals this year. One of them is to actually journal...I have always liked the idea of journaling and I would ask for a journal for Christmas, do it for like a week then "forget" to journal for like 8 months. I think the reason is that I was doing it "wrong." I seriously didn't know what the importance of journaling was so I would get board and quit. For some odd reason it has taken me at LEAST 7 years to get a revelation on why to journal and the reason behind it. Yes, I have been trying to journal that long and have failed that many years in a row, don't judge me.

This year I am not necessarily keeping a journal but documenting the year. Not just the events that occur, while that's ok if that is your purpose for keeping a journal, but mine is to document what God is going to teach me, speak to me and show me this year. He has spoken to me through Scripture but this year I am supposed to write those revelations down. He has spoken through me to other people and I am supposed to document what He says to them ESPECIALLY when they are things that are yet to happen. I am supposed to document all of the prayers that have been answered and miracles that I have seen. I am excited to look back on 2014 and actually have more than a week written in it. And please excuse me if I share more through this blog than I have in the past maybe that will be a side effect of keeping a journal...

For me, this is my direction. How do you journal and why is it important to you? I would love to hear from you.  

Take the city

This has been burning in my heart for some time now, and I just need to get it out of my spirit and into someone elses. I am not sure who this is for, so if you read this and think that someone needs to hear it, I encourage you to pass it along. 

Often times God speaks to me in pictures, almost like a movie. One Sunday we were singing a song called "Never Once" by Matt Redman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bXG4WIesA). And there is a verse that says, scars and struggles on the way, but with joy my heart will say never once did I ever walk alone...and I began to see what the story of Joshua and taking the City of Jericho looked like. Now I am under the impression that God really speaks to me through war like images because I come from the lineage of Vikings....I may not look like it, but I am scrappy. I began to study this whole story and God has spoken so loudly to me about this, that it has to be shared. 

Joshua chapter 1 opens with God speaking to Joshua, basically saying, "Moses is dead, it is now your job to take my people into the land that I promised." This is a huge task for someone who relied on another to lead them, now it was his job to lead and there was a battle ahead. But God says something very interesting to Joshua," I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses." and God tells Joshua 4 times in one chapter, "only be strong and courageous." This tells me that Joshua was trying to talk himself our of this task given to him by God and that God was also promising him that he would be victorious all of the days of his life. Long story short, Joshua accepts this task, goes back to the Israelites tells them what is about to go down, and off they march (cliff notes version, you can read the whole thing in Joshua 1-6). The first place they come to is Jericho where the walls were high and the city was in lock down. No one in and no one out. God didn't tell them to climb it and take the city, He tells them to do something totally ridiculous and march around the city. Once around for 6 days, then seven times around the seventh day....Could you imagine being in the city watching this, or even being a part of the army marching around the city. But here is the catch, Joshua told them do not make a sound. Not one word until he said so. So not only were they marching around a big city, but they marched in silence....

Here is where God wants me to take this into your world now. Many of you have been called on by God to "take the city." Whatever that city might be. Is it a literal city? Is it coming against abortion, sex trafficking, pornography, drug smuggling, hunger around the world or abuse? A lot of times we will try to talk God out of calling on us to do it. The walls around these "cities" are so high and it seems like there is no way in and no one is getting out. And a lot of times when we want to get into these "cities" we have to go to war to do it. But the words that were spoken to Joshua are also being spoken to you. "every place where you set your foot, belongs to you." God wouldn't call on you if He couldn't provide a way for you to get into that "city." Here is what I find fascinating. God never told Joshua to tear the wall down. He told him to walk around it. This was a command to see if Joshua would be obedient, even if what Joshua was told to do was strange. When God calls on us, it is our job to be obedient, it is His job to tear the walls down, then it is our jobs to go in and take the city. 

Are the walls tall? yes. Are they intimidating? yes. But the church has the upper hand. We see the wall as an opportunity to be a part of a miracle. Could you imagine being on the other side of that wall? Being one of the people trapped behind it's tall, intimidating walls that are on lock down? That is what the people on the other side of that wall see. They are hopeless, afraid and unable to save themselves because they can't get out and they can't climb over it and they don't know what is on the other side of the wall. They need the walls to come down to be set free. We as God's people have the power and authority to see the walls come down and bring freedom to the bound and oppressed. It can seem too big for us and what if we fail? In Joshua 1:5,6 God says, "No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. 6 Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them." God has called on YOU to lead the charge and He goes before you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Some of you may have heard the call and started to march, but somewhere along the way you listened to those speaking death over the call on your life and you stopped marching. This is why I believe Joshua told the people not to talk. He didn't want to hear their negative words that would cause doubt and confusion. I want you to know that it's not too late to start marching again. You may need to tell those around you who are speaking death over the call to get in, get out or get run over, because you are moving forward with or without them (in love of course).

Or you might be on day 7, 4th time around the wall and you are wondering, "will this wall EVER come down?" God wants you to know, "yes, the walls are coming down. I am preparing your heart to go into the city, keep marching." 

I want to leave you all with this. There are too many people bound by the enemy, an enemy that has already been defeated by the commander who is leading us. The time has come to answer the call, only be strong and courageous, it's time to take the city. 

Nope.....I'm still not cool

Jordan and I were invited to have dinner with a couple that I have never met, but Jordan has worked with the guy. All I know about them is that they live 45 minutes from us and that they have 2 little girls. So, I obviously want to make a good impression and this is NOT the night for awkward Raema to make an appearance. So what do I wear? I don't want to be fancy and over dress...so skinnies and a loose top say, "hey I'm here to party." Who doesn't like to party? Except I have eaten WAAAY too much bread and I am bloated so I have to do lunges and squats to get them on (you ladies know what I am talking about). So I guess I will have a really cute muffin top tonight...Why not wear other jeans? Because like I said I am bloated and my "fat" jeans have a hole in the crotch and obviously that doesn't make a good first impression...On top of it I got 3 new zit friends that won't go away with all of the concealer in the world. Look and dress like a rock star? CHECK!
I said that I would make bread (because they are making spaghetti what goes better with spaghetti then BREAD?) and brownies and Jordan wanted me to make cookies. Ok, not a problem....unless I decide to start making all of it at 3:45pm...So I am sitting here waiting for the bread to rise then I get to multi task like a beast and bake the cookies, brownies and bread all at one time. We shall see how this turns out....
So I have the look, the food and I'm feeling super cool...except I forgot NO MOM LOOKS "COOL" WHEN THEIR 4 KIDS ARE INVITED TO THE PARTY....now I get to sit in a strangers house looking  "cool" trying not to look like a crazy person as I give the "look" (moms of boys know this look) to my 3 boys when they try to play with things that little girls play with, except turn them into swords and guns. So, my prayer is that I leave that house not having said anything embarrassing (enter awkward Raema), not crying (I seem to be doing that lately), and that my boys don't break anything or say anything inappropriate...

Tonight, I am living the dream....

Hello 30's!

Well, it's official I am not longer in my 20's. And I am actually ok with that. I lived a LOT and I learned a LOT in my 20's and I am excited to see what I do in the next 10 years. So I want to write to all of the readers that are in their 20's or are going into their 20's. Here are some things that I learned or wish I had learned sooner.

1. Pray everyday. I wish that I had received this revelation sooner. I knew that it was important, but I didn't realize HOW important it was. Things will NOT change in your life unless you pray for it to get better.

2. Learn to say "I am sorry" and "I forgive you." These three words will stop an argument quickly. Even if it wasn't your fault, suck up your pride and say I am sorry anyway. Your relationships are more important than the need to be right. Jordan is really good at this, I am still learning....

3. Don't wait to say "I love you." You never know how much time you have on this earth or with the people around you. If you love them, say it. And don't use the words if you don't mean it. They are powerful and they carry a lot of weight. If you are dating a guy, don't say "I love you" if you don't.

4. Tell people what you want. Especially in relationships. Men do NOT have the ability to read our minds. So do them and yourself a favor and tell them. People will treat you the way you allow them to.

5. Your family is a gift. They may not "get" you or give you advice you didn't ask for. But they will be there when everyone else leaves you. Treat them with respect because you reap what you sow.

6. Find out what clothes look good on you. Things that will never be ok to wear, booty shorts....NEVER and especially not in public. What you do behind closed doors is your deal but no one wants to see that. A crop top....a cat suit....anything that leaves little to the imagination. If you want to be treated with respect and taken seriously, dress like it.

7. Learn to drink wine. In your early 20's your interested in taking shots, but that gets old, expensive and lame. Drinking wine brings out the flavor in food and has history behind it. It sounds better to order a glass of Moscato on a date, not a red headed slut....just sayin.

8. Learn who YOU are. God has created all of us different, with a plan and a purpose for our lives. Don't try to be someone else, you are robbing yourself and God of who you were created to be. This world needs you, not a clone of someone else

9. Don't get married until you are ok with being alone, and who are are to God. I WISH I had know this early in life. Marriage is not intended to fill the hole of loneliness in your life, it's meant to compliment you. If you don't know who your are you will become who someone else wants you to be and you will always look to people to tell you who you are. Let God do that, so when your future husband comes along you are a team.

10. Recognize the good friends in your life. You will have friends that will always be there. It might be 1 it might be 5. Never take them for granted. Tell them you love them and always maintain those relationships. The ones that come along that are bad friends, don't invest your time into those.

11. Forgive. Even if they never say I'm sorry. Unforgiveness hold you captive, not them. Forgiving someone doesn't say it's ok, it says I refuse to stay bound by this.

12. Set high goals for yourself. If you don't push yourself, no one else will. When you set a high goal and reach it, you see what you are really made of and it builds your confidence.

13. Read books. Knowledge is power. Learn something new. A book I recommend is "How to win friends and influence people."

14. Smile. It makes you more personable and people want to be around people who smile.

15. Learn to listen. We often think we have all the answers and think of responses while the other person is speaking. When a person talks, listen. You learn a lot about people when you listen and take your time to respond.

16. Firm handshake. Don't break their hand. It indicates that you aren't weak and that you are confident.

17. Sit up straight. Being hunched over shows that you are insecure, and it's just bad for your back.

18. Take care of your teeth. People notice your teeth. They don't have to be perfect but people notice when some are missing (stay away from Meth should be obvious, but it destroys your teeth. So does smoking).

19. Learn to drive a stick shift. If you are ever in a situation where you have to be a designated driver and you are put into a manual transmission car you want to know what you are doing. Not only that guys think it's "cool" if you can do that.

20. Don't be afraid to get dirty. It's only dirt, you can wash it off.

21. Babysit for FREE. Again you reap what you sow, when you have kids you will appreciate it when people do that for you.

22. Hug people. I personally don't like people in my space but giving hugs can feel good and so does receiving them. Lahoma Graham is the BEST hug giver.

23. Learn to bake. Sometimes you just want a chocolate chip cookie and homemade ones are the best. Your future husband will appreciate this.

24. Learn to cook. Eating out is expensive and unhealthy. Again, men love a woman who can cook.

25. Men are drawn to the color red, the scents of vanilla or grapefruit, baked goods, a smile and a confident woman.

26. Some do not agree with this one, and I wish I had done this but, don't have sex until you get married. You will regret it if you do. It is a gift, and you can only give it away once. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's doable. There will be one person worth the wait. Plus, you don't want to get knocked up, or an STD. STD's are for life and nothing says, "hey don't date me" like and STD.

For any of you who want to add to this list please feel free to do so. There are more but I just don't have any more time today. Watch out 30's I'm gonna kick your ASS.

God, don't leave without us

Tonight while we were praying with the boys before they went to bed Brayden prayed for the Firefighters (obviously), Dominic prayed for his friend at school that is sick then Asher prayed, for a little while there I wasn't too sure what he was saying, but God does then he said the most profound thing I have heard in a while, although I don't think he knew what he said. "and God don't leave without us." I don't know why he said those words, maybe he's dealing with separation anxiety and this was his passive aggressive way of telling me, but they hit me right in my heart. Not just because the sweetest sound is hearing your kids pray, but because of the depth of those words. And I will get to why in a minute.
I am a part of a church plant here in Dallas, and it has been one of the most rewarding, and challenging things I have ever done. We officially launched our Sunday morning services in January, but we have been meeting for a year now and we have already outgrown the theater we are meeting in so God has literally opened the door for us to get a building, and an amazing building at that. So we are believing for $180,000 by the end of June, that is a lot of money but I know God is able to provide because I know that God has his hand on this church. Not because we have a really cool pastor or really friendly people (which we do), it's because we have our priorities in order, and that is to simply preach the Word of God and to help those in need (we do more than that but these two are important to the Lord). This church has grown so fast that it's hard sometimes to keep up with what God wants us to do and where He wants us to go. Thank God our pastor has a God bat phone and he leads the way. He is definitely power walking our church right now and I have short legs, so I have to pretty much jog...It has been an honor to get to lead the children's ministry and there are so many things God has put on my heart to do for them and I have been struggling to keep up. Tonight God reminded me to have child like faith, so those words Asher spoke tonight are going to be my prayer not just for this church but for me personally.
"Let our hearts stay humble and open to what You want us to do and where You want us to go. It's not about me or my agenda, Lord it's all about You and the people You want to reach. Let us empty ourselves out so that we can be your hands and feet and to go out and do Your work. Give us Your grace to do it and that we will have the endurance to continue to run this race. Give us Your eyes to see the need and to break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Let us be sensitive to what You want us to do and go before us to make a way, Lord where You go let us go, what You say let us say and what You pray let us pray, God don't leave without us."

Maybe those small 5 words mean something to you as well.

Trust

Tuesday was a teachable moment for me. I look at myself as a pretty put together person, for the most part. We all have moments where we lose it, someone I know calls them "human moments." I like that phrase, I had a human moment. And I can appreciate them when I have them and when others have them because it is a constant reminder of how human we really are and the areas that we still need to grow in. P.S. if you think that you are "good:" and don't have areas where you need to grow, brace yourself because God has a funny way of reminding you that you are NOT perfect.
Anyways, I knew that it was supposed to rain. No signs that it was going to anything but that. Until 11 am. The news would break in and give updates in the storm that they were tracking. You would look at the radar and it was all red, meaning crap is about to go down. But it was nowhere near me, it was hitting Arlington. The first thought was, "oh God, I have friends that live there, Lord protect them." Then another storm was hitting Dallas at the same time. Again, not near me. But I go to church in Dallas, and I have close friends and family that live there and again, "Oh God protect them." Then they say that a tornado has touched down in Arlington. I knew that God would protect my friends in Arlington but I continued to pray. I thought "God they just bought that house. It's their first home and she's going to have a baby soon. They just decorated the nursery please protect their home." I am not going to capitalize on their loss, but there was a lot of damage done and they are now having to live in a hotel. But God protected them and their baby (and their dogs) and that is all that matters. Then tornadoes starting touching down in Dallas. I knew that everyone would be safe because I prayed and I knew they were praying and I trusted God to protect them.
Around 2:15pm the storm moved north, where I am. I brought in all of my plants and anything that would get damaged in the wind or hail. Then I got a sinking feeling as I watched the radar, it's going to be much worse than I anticipated. I was not scared that we would be injured or that our house would be damaged, because I prayed and I trusted God to protect us.
Then 2:45 came around and the sirens went off. I took Brayden and Gabby into the closet under the stairs. And I prayed for God to protect us. The power went on and off and I was doing everything in my power to keep my composure. Not because I was afraid of the storm, I was afraid for my other two boys that were still at school. School got out at 2:50 and it took everything in me not to get into my car and drive to the school to get them because I know that I can protect them, but can the school? Thoughts flooded my mind, "where are they putting the kids to protect them?" "Are they scared?" "Are they ok?" "What if a tornado hits the school?" "What if I lose my kids today?"
I'm not being dramatic, just honest. I had a human moment. I was scared. Taking care of them is my job. I stay home to do that, and I can't protect them right now. I had prayed for God to protect them, so why was there no peace? My pastor called me while I was int he closet and prayed with me. He said, "Everything is going to be ok," in a very calm voice Oneka said if you need to laugh just call me and I will sing for you. "Laugh? Right now? I am scared. This is NOT funny." Thank God for Facebook, because one of our friends  that was in the Dallas storm posted that he told his daughter to get into the bathroom when the siren went off, and she said "why are the cops coming?" I laughed out loud. Laughter actually gave me peace. Like yes, everything is going to be ok.
I drove to the schools when they finally let them out and hour late and they were fine. Dominic complained because his butt was numb from sitting on the floor and Asher was excited because he got to hang out in the girls bathroom during the storm. Again, I laughed. They were ok. God protected the.
Later as I was thinking about my reaction because I do NOT like to be vulnerable God showed me an area that I need to work on. I trust God with things, but obviously not concerning my children. He reminded me that He can protect them better than I can, especially in situations that are out of my control. Not that I am going to have them play in traffic and "trust" that God will protect them. Obviously that's not wise. But If I pray and ask God to do something I have to have faith that He will do it. Otherwise I am praying in vain.
Sorry if this story was anti-climactic. Everything is fine here but we have friends that have lost things. But things can be replaced, God protected them. He can also restore the things that have been lost.

Rocked my world

Have you ever read something or heard something that just left you speechless?
Today we has a guest speaker come and minister to us this morning at church from Uganda. It was the first time that I had been in a service in 2 months because of the launch of the church I have been ministering to the children. I was excited to go into service and to be 100% honest with you I wanted to hear from my pastor, not a guest. So I had to pray that God would change my heart about it and open me up for whatever He wanted to teach me. So when you pray prayers like that, I suppose you should expect God to do just that, change your heart and open you up for what He wants to teach you.
Up gets this little white lady, she and her husband pastor a church of 20,000 in Uganda. She started to passionately tell stories of how mightily God has moved on their behalf while they have been there. God has literally stopped bullets from killing them, has given them a building during the middle of a civil war and has allowed them to save children who are abducted and trained to be child soldiers to kill those that they love and the mastermind behind the civil war came to their church and gave his life to the Lord during one of their services. She told stories of what some of these children were required to do to stay alive while they were fighting in these wars.
It broke my heart and rendered me speechless because we don't see things like that here, unless it's on the news, which actually sensationalizes what these people at actually living through, so it desenstizes us to their realities. I've always joked that I am NOT called to go to Africa or any foreign country for that matter. I will financially support those who do and I will pray for you if you go, but God don't send me. We (Jordan and I) have been beyond blessed. Not bragging, it is what it is, we have four beautiful healthy children, a healthy marriage, Jordan has a good jab that allows me to stay home with my babies, we are blessed to get to help lead in our church we have amazing families and friends. God has truly showered His grace on our lives and I am thankful everyday for what we have.
She said something today that I can't shake. She said, "Grace without responsibility equals greed." OUCH. I wouldn't see myself as greedy, but I bet if people from Uganda saw what we had they would think so, I bet some of the people in my own city would think so. I have been burdened lately with needing to do more. Not for our family but for others that are less fortunate. God has been so merciful to us and I feel like I am hoarding it. He has given us influence, what are we doing with it? Whose life are we changing? Are we utilizing the voice that He has given us? Not just for those in other countries or this country but what about at a local level? There are hungry kids right where you live, that seems silly in a country of wealth and opportunity. Or has all of the wealth turned into greed?
I was brought over to meet her after service and I was looking for something wise or profound to say to her because she is a world changer, I literally stood there and said "hello........" awkward Raema at her finest. I literally had nothing to say because I was speechless. Not by her, but by what God is doing through her and her husband.
Ask yourself this week, "what am I doing to make this place better?" If we don't make the change for the better, someone will make the change for the worse, I want better for my children and grand children. I don't know yet what God will want to do through us, but here I am, available, even if that means He wants me to go somewhere else.

Those are just my thoughts....

Gods love is beautiful

I purchased the Bethel album and the running theme is about God loving us more than we could ever understand. One of the lines is that the thoughts He has towards us are more than the sands by the sea.  If you have ever been to the beach you know that the sand is too numerous to count. Take a minute and list all of the things that you love about yourself. Some of us, our list is long and some of us our list is short. Regardless of how you see yourself and how many good things you think about yourself, God’s list of things He loves about us, NEVER ends. At some point we run out of human words to describe things, but God’s love for us surpasses an earthly language, it surpasses what we know to be love here on earth. Picture with me for a minute, God the creator of the universe, in its vastness, still knows every hair on your head, what you care about and what you need. He’s so big that He holds the world in His hands, but brings Himself to our level so we can have a relationship with Him. Nothing about the makeup of God is prideful, He’s humility to the core. He is humble enough to carry OUR burdens and OUR pain, so we don’t have to. That’s love. He knew you before you were even born and knew your name and the beautiful life you would have. That’s love. The love He has for us fills the deep longings of our souls that no person can fill. His love calms the storms in our lives, His love brings us up to His perspective so we can understand why the things that we don’t understand, happen. He will continue to give you grace, time after time. When you feel like you have failed at something, He loves you enough to give you the courage to try again. God will never give up on you, even when you give up on Him. God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to die for OUR sins. How unfair is that? Like our pastor says, He is unfair to our advantage. That is love. Open your heart to His love. Let Him show you things that you have never seen or felt. Life is too short to not feel extravagantly loved every day.     

Nothing new...

It's Thursday, and I have done NOTHING productive this week. Well, that's not true, I've done stuff, just nothing pertaining to my weight loss goals. I have made a plan of just wearing leggings when I am in MN anyways, so those are stretchy and I won't feel bad when I eat for 5 days straight. But I hear that it hasn't snowed yet, which defeats the purpose of wearing leggings. I want to be prepared at anytime to put on my snow pants and slide down a hill. Is that too much to ask?
This is my last week of school for this semester, and I plan to celebrate by taking a nap. I hear somewhere that you retain weight when you don't sleep enough, so would hibernation do the opposite? Would I lose massive amounts of weight if I just slept through the winter? I was watching one of those Hollywood news shows, and they were showing the actresses that have lost a lot of weight this year and they showed Kelly Osbourne. They showed a before pic of her then an after pic. They say that she weighs 115lbs now. We are about the same height, so I would like to throw the BS flag on that one. Either I have a skewed view of my body size right now or they are LYING! I think that I was the size she is now, before I got pregnant, and that was like 7 lbs from what I currently weigh, and I can promise you I was NOT 115 lbs. I feel better about myself when I can crack on another person.....I suppose that's a heart issue. LOL.

Prayer of the righteous....

So I was looking at who my audience is, to better speak to you all on your level (being sarcastic, I am just curious) apparently I have people in Russia that read my blog? Wow, to all of you in Russia, Zdravstvujtye! You can find ANYTHING on google, That's hello in Russian! 
So you all are never going to believe what happened this last week. As you read I did NOTHING productive in terms of my weight loss goals. I ate cookies and brownies and loaves of bread. I get on the scale and hung my head in shame, and much to my surprise I lost 2 lbs.....I know I am confused too. So I thought Jordan was pulling a prank on me because he is sick of hearing my really "big plans" to lose weight and changed the scale. So, I had him get on it and it was accurate. I have officially changed my weight loss plan. Eat whatever I want....I guess that works better, or maybe it was all of the meds i was on? I did try on those jeans again, still a muffin top so I am thinking maybe 5lbs left and I won't have to work so hard to get them on. I guess we shall see. I do plan on burning a bunch of calories in MN because I am going to go sledding like a 5 year old and whoop on Jordan at hockey.  
That's all for today, I have a crazy busy week. We will see what kind of time I can come up with to write about my really exciting life....

I blame Minnesota.

I would like to use this platform as an opportunity to blame my location of birth and upbringing on the fact that I can NOT lose this weight. I suppose it's only been two weeks and I should chill out, but whatever. I was raised in the frozen tundra (Minnesota) and whenever it gets cold here all I want to do is eat a creamy soup, a loaf of bread, brownies and drink coffee. This is of course completely contrary to ANY healthy lifestyle advice you read online. I guess I technically have two weeks until Christmas, so maybe I'll lose another pound or two. To make myself better I ate a bag of steamed sugar snap peas for lunch, and I chased that down with a brownie. So I think that I am right on schedule. I am one legit goal setter.

Nope....still fat.

Look, I know it's been a week but is it wrong to just want to get lipo and be done with it? I don't have time to go to the gym! I'm a busy LADY!!!! I think that I've lost like 1lb. So whatever, I'll take it. At this rate I'll be down 4 lbs by Christmas. Is that enough to fit into my jeans? I guess we shall see. I have vowed not to try them on until right before I leave for Minnesota.  I have decided to come to terms with the fact that SOME OF MY CLOTHES MAAAAAAY be out of style, so I went through my things and I am donating a lot of them. I'm almost 30, isn't that the age where you start to wear a pant suit everywhere you go? I think I need some pant suits. OMG with a muffin top? That would RULE! I am really excited for what 2012 has in store for me AND my muffin top. We have big plans.

I think it's been a week?

Well I kind of fell off the grid there for a couple of days. I have been sick for the past two days. I wonder what the caloric make-up is of a Dayquil? On Friday I was really excited because I thought that Jordan and I were going to get to go to a Christmas party for his company, where I got to get dressed up, what girl doesn't like to do that? Well, I guess Jordan waited too long to get tickets so no party for me, I'm not gonna lie I ate three trick-or-treat candy bars to try and make me feel better. So I'm not sure how effective I will be at working out this week. For the past three days I have been eating bits and pieces of food (I seriously cannot remember what I ate). I think I had a banana yesterday...
I have zero creativity today so this is about it for my post. Sorry for the amount of lame I am giving off right now.

Day 3

Well I was really excited because I had a pear for breakfast, took my multi-vitamin (because you are supposed to eat it with food) and a glass of water. Then I threw up my pear because apparently a pear isn't food enough for the dumb vitamin. I was planning on going to the cycling class that morning but the throwing up kind of put a damper on that plan. So I thought, I worked out two days in a row, I'm gonna take the day off. Then I thought UGH I have to tell everyone that I didn't work out and they will think I'm lame. So I went for a walk at the park. I guess it's better than nothing. I don't remember what I had for lunch, so I'm guessing it wasn't much. And Jordan and I ended up going out for dinner after our leadership meeting. I had an omlette with egg whites, it was amazing! Something I need to work on, going to bed earlier. Midnight is too late for me.

Lame day 2

Day 2

I had a bowl of Multi-Grain Cheerios. Now i can see why Gabby won't eat them

I decided to put workout clothes on after I took a shower. Maybe to motivate me to go to the gym? Knowing that I wasn't going until almost 6 that night.

For lunch I had a handful of Wheat Thins and tuna.....lame

I think I did 100 loads of laundry, so that has to count as some form of a caloric burn right?

Finally went to the gym with a friend. We took a class. I think that lady was trying to kill us.

And a drum roll please for dinner....steam sugar snap peas and carrots. For dessert another pear.

Well this blog is going to be this lame for the next 4 weeks. I better lose this weight or I will hurt someone. And I wanted to eat a Kit Kat last night but I didn't a. because I am an honest person and I knew I would have to tell you I did that and know that you all would judge me and b. if I did eat it and lied to you I know that liars go to Ohio. It's cold there.

Muffin Tops RULE!

So, I did a 21 day fast and lost about 5-7 lbs. That was a month ago, I pretty much gained around 3-5 lbs since then…..I have a pile of jeans that are sitting in a corner mocking me because I can’t fit into them YET! I’ll show you pile of jeans! I have roughly 10 pounds to lose until I am at the weight I was before I got pregnant with Gabby. Things that I have learned over the past year are, Chili Cheese Burritos should NOT be a staple food in your diet, your metabolism is MUCH slower the closer you get to 30, you do NOT need to eat a whole bag of chocolate on any day EVER! And my sister-in-law will love this one, meat can be over rated (but I’m not committed to being a vegetarian).  So, I am really wanting to kick those jeans ass and fit into them again..by Christmas? I’m not sure if I’m over committing myself to this one but, we will see how it goes. I might just wear them, muffin top and all on Christmas. Your welcome Minnesota family! Now that this is on the internet, public information to the WORLD, I either need to do it, or go into hiding. I am going to keep track of what I do every day so you all can take part on this insane journey for 4 weeks. I don’t care if you don’t care, I’m writing anyways.

Day 1

Had rolled oats, cinnamon and raisins for breakfast, it’s not as good as the stuff with the dude with the hat on the package (I’m not getting paid to endorse products so forget names)

Went to a cycling class at 9AM! I suppose I am feeling really ambitious.

Almost threw up and died during the class.

Went to my storage unit to get all of the Christmas decorations. Of COURSE they would be in the back at the bottom. Does this count as weight lifting?

 Set up my Christmas tree, Seriously? The lights don’t work?

Went to Target to buy new lights. These better work or I’m gonna punch someone.

Crap I forgot to eat lunch. I never thought I would say those words ever. Who forgets to eat?

For dinner, steamed vegetables. I would rather starve. UGH.

I usually want to eat a bag of chocolate by 8pm, and I stated earlier that this isn’t a good idea. So I had a pear. I feel depression slowly creeping up on me. LOL.

And all of you who know me, know I will drink coffee like a champ, I didn’t have any today. I think that deserves a bag of chocolate…. 

The truth will set you freeeeee

The Book of Joel isn’t exactly a book in the Bible for the faint of heart. Especially when what he’s talking about mirrors what we are going through today. Here in Texas I believe we are going on like day 35 of triple digit heat. Farmers are losing their crops because there hasn’t been rain, lakes are drying up and people are dying because it has been so hot here. It’s getting pretty serious, and there has been talk that this could last for a while, like October. Now, we can blame it on pollution, global warming or whatever else that makes us feel better, but what if it’s something different? This weather isn’t crazy just here in the US. Look around the world. Record breaking earthquakes, tsunamis, drought it’s everywhere. Could this be the hand of God? It’s been prophesied for thousands of years about the thing s to happen before Jesus returns, and prophecy is coming to pass every day. The point of this post isn’t to strike fear or anxiety in anyone because God is still on the throne and tells us in 2 Chronicles 7:14, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” In this verse God isn’t talking about just anyone, He’s speaking directly to those of us that are Christians. We have been given authority over evil, and we as Christians have been asleep and in denial about all of the terrible evil things that are happening in the world. I like this quote, “If the land is in broken condition, it is not because the heathen are acting as heathen, but because the church is not acting as the church.” OUCH! I fall in this category of the church not acting as the church. Christians (and I am going to use this in the broad sense, if you are living according to the Word then don’t get offended at this statement) have been lazy, arrogant leaders. We have compromised and have conformed to the way the world does things to “try and be relevant.” “Relevant” (for the most part) means sleeping around, watching porn, cussing, watching things that if Jesus was sitting next to you, you would be ashamed to watch, ungodly relationships, and the list goes on and on. I’m not perfect because as one point in my life I have done all of the above, but I was unsaved. So, this behavior is to be expected from those who don’t know any better, I’m not condoning it, but you have to have grace and mercy for the un-enlightened.

It’s hard to stand up against what everyone else is doing, and the church is no exception. We will be mocked, criticized, un-friended on Facebook, talk about behind our backs, called crazy or fanatic. They did worse to Jesus and He said to expect it as followers of Him. At what point are we going to get out of the valley of decision with the unbelievers and start acting like the Christ followers that we are? Does acting like Jesus mean to become “better” than people? Absolutely NOT! It means to get your crap together, learn who you are in the Lord and be ok with who He made you to be, get filled with the Spirit (another subject for another day but extremely important to know about) and then go out and show the love of Christ to those around you. Feed the hungry, love the loveless bring hope to the hopeless, be humble but confident and for heaven’s sake PRAY! Change starts with you. If you are broken get healed, let Jesus work on the inside of you.

We need to come together instead of working against each other and go out and be the light in the world. When the world is falling apart it is our JOB as Christians to show them who is really in control and that is God.

Again I can’t stress enough the utmost importance of prayer. If your job sucks pray that there will be change. If your marriage is broken and so is your heart pray for restoration and for your heart to be healed, if you are sick pray for God to heal you. Life and death is in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit (proverbs 18:21), you have the ability to speak life or death into your situation.

If you are reading this thinking that I am angry, well I am sort of angry. Not at any of you but at the Body of Christ as a whole. I fall under this category so I am also guilty. I will always try to point my finger at me first before I point it at anyone else. There are plenty of areas where I need to grow and this is an area that God has really been stressing. If we can come together the things we could accomplish would be endless.

I challenge you to reflect on the areas of your life where God is convicting you to make change. Take the step and begin the process of change.  

P.S.  If Jesus isn’t Lord of your life read my Blog “choices choices” and there is prayer you can pray to become a part of this beautiful family.

What JUST HAPPENED?

I was about 3 hours into my drive and I was in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. Gabby started crying and I knew it was time for her to eat so I saw an exit coming up, and as I approached I see this ghetto wood sign that says something along the lines of “best animal exhibit in the nation.” Two thoughts came to mind, what kind of animals do they have out here in the middle of nowhere and will I be killed by some toothless inbred if I go there? I decided to take my chances. So I pulled off the highway and pulled into this parking lot that is literally across from a trailer park, not a nice one either. I say a prayer that I won’t get murdered and got all of the kids out of the car. We go up to the door and there is a sign that says they are not responsible for animal bites…sounds safe enough! I go in and pay for us to have a private escort through the exhibit because at the end of it the kids would get to play with a baby tiger (the white ones with the blue eyes). We walked through the exhibit and we came to the cage that had porcupines in it. Now from all of the cartoons I have ever seen the porcupine would shoot its quills at you, so I’m quickly escorting my children away from the chain link fence so we don’t get quills shot at us. BUT just so you know they don’t shoot them at all. Just don’t brush up against them. Anyways, there was a guy going in to feed them and the porcupines ran to the door because they saw the food and they followed him through the cage like puppies. They each knew their names too which I thought was cool. This guy saw the boys watching and he gave each of them a quill! I immediately took them and put them in my purse because it would become impaled in one of them and as the sign said they take no responsibility! There were Lions and tigers and LIGERS! Yes, they do exist. At the end we were brought into this cage and the woman who was escorting us brought out this baby tiger and the kids got to play with it. After we were done we went back inside and I got 4 waters and 4 icees. It cost me $14!

Because I knew I would be going through a toll in Kansas I withdrew $20 before I left, I decided to pay for the waters with my cash. I was given $6 back. And that was NOT enough to get me through the toll. I got to the toll in Kansas and I was certain that when I stop to fill up with gas I can withdraw more so I don’t have to worry about it. I get to the ATM and of course it says “out of order.” Why wouldn’t it! So I have a 5 and a 1 rubbing them together hoping they make babies because I have NO IDEA how I am going to get through the toll, it costs like $15. So I was asking God to do something because I don’t know what to do. I get to the exit where I have to pay. There is a long line of like 6 cars at one of the toll windows but I notice at the end there is a green arrow blinking showing that that line was open, so I pull all the way over to that one, I get to the window and the lady says, “that will be $6.……..” I handed it to her like what just happened was normal.

Now am I saying that was an angel at that window? Perhaps, I don’t know what happened all I know is God pulled through for me. Hebrews 13:2 says, “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” I know it’s talking about being hospitable here BUT the point is, angels are among us.

It was a fun trip through the backwoods animal exhibit, the kids will remember that AND God showed me that He’s got it covered.  

Your perception will determine your attitude

So I know it’s been a LONG time since I have written. And I would like to give a shout out to Jordan because he is the one that actually said something about it which says to me that he learns new things when he reads them and is in need of a new revelation. So if no one else gets anything out of this, here you go Jordan.

I just got back from my road trip to Minnesota. I packed up all four kids, said a quick prayer for sanity and off I went.  I took this same trip last summer, same time but I was pregnant with Gabby and my life was in a state of uncertainty. Not between Jordan and I, just with some big life choices that we had to make. Out of respect for the other party I will not further explain the choices. I was in a place where I was spiritually dry and wanted so badly for God to tell us what we wanted to hear because that would have made everything so much easier; but, He didn’t. He told us to do the most difficult thing that we have ever had to do.

Back to the trip last year. I enjoyed myself but I had this cloud over my head and was constantly thinking about the choice we had to make. I over looked the beauty around me. I neglected the family that was around and wasn’t completely present.

This year was so much different. I went with clarity and with excitement and joy. I took in everything that I missed last year, the drive up there was beautiful. I got to see the rolling prairies of Kansas, the “best animal exhibit in the nation” in Oklahoma, the sunset over Missouri. It was really beautiful. I was completely open to what God wanted to show me and teach me. Because of my willingness, a miracle happened and during my vacation my cup ran over and God showed me that my church isn’t only one doing amazing things. All of these things have long stories behind them. Maybe this week I will blog about them.

For the past year I had been hiding behind a rock from God. And I actually told people that I was hiding from God, because I was afraid of what He would say to me or ask me to do. I allowed the enemy to twist my perception and the reality of God’s nature. Which is love and only love. When we made the choice to surrender our future to God I took the step out from behind the rock and I said, “ok God, show me, teach me and tell me what you want me to see, know and do.”  I spiritually woke up. This has been an amazing past couple of months. I have learned more, loved more and prayed more than I ever have. I feel like by me surrendering, I shed the things that were holding me back and that this year I will learn more about who God is and by doing that, l learn more about who I am. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That God loves me and has a plan and a purpose for my life. I am blessed and highly favored. God’s thoughts towards me are precious and if I counted them they would be more in number than the sand. By the way, these are all things that God feels towards you too, it says so in the B-I-B-L-E. You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to have all the answers for Him to love you. He loves you right now. Right where you are and in your current condition.

I feel so alive and I feel confident with who God has created me to be.

Here is my challenge for you. What have you been afraid to do or choice to make? What rock are you hiding behind? (If you are hiding behind a rock just an FYI, God can still see you back there). Step out from behind the rock and make the step in God’s direction. Let Him lead you. He will never leave you alone, He will never forget about you and He will never tell you to do something that will hurt you or that you can’t handle. Sometimes the choices can hurt our emotions, like letting go of a relationship or closing a chapter in your life, but it will be better for you in the long run. Let God change your perception of who He is and what He has put you here on this Earth to do.

Our lives are too short to be afraid. There is too little time for us to hide from the person God has created us to be. Go out and be an answer to the chaos in the world. He has created us to do great things. Wake up if you are spiritually sleeping, a big world is waiting for you.